The Stupefiying Start
by Hellbound03
Summary: When three children's parents die they have to adjust to the evil that awaits. Please review. Really bad summary, but the story is going to be better.
1. Default Chapter

A/N- I know this is short but please read and review. if you're already one my readers i hope you don't mind the change to Lemony Snicket. This sounds a lot like the seris of unfortunate events, but it's not. The characters aren't the same but you'll see how it's similar.

**Chapter1** **Tremendous troubles **

I'm sure that in your entire life you probably have heard the phrase " he kicked the bucket" meaning he died. Of course this is one of the stupidest phrases ever invented, seeing as many people do not die because they kicked a bucket. You probably realized that before I just told you. Also at ones funeral it would be rather odd if you went around telling everyone, "he kicked the bucket harder than anyone I know". I can say through experience that you probably will never be invited to any more funerals regardless of how much you plead, if you say that to anyone there. As Fiona and her brother Samuel carried their baby sister April toward their home they looked at each other and smiled. Their home was also known as the Eliophont homestead. Their house was the largest house in the entire state, for the Eliophont family was exceedingly rich.

Even though this was so, I must warn you that this account of there lives is not meant to be a child's story or a fairy tale were the children will have a wonderful life and everything they wanted would be theirs. In this story they do not have a happy beginning, they rarely have a good time in-between, and there will not be a happy ending, for this story is meant to tell the truth, not make a good feeling in your heart. I'm sorry to say that this story begins with the children opening the door of their enormous homestead to find there mother and father laying on the floor. They had evidently kicked the bucket. I'm sorry to say that this was only the beginning of the many unwanted unpleasant surprises the Eliophont children- I'm sorry, I mean orphans, would encounter in the treacherous journeys they were soon to experience. They would also find out so much more than they already knew, about a subject that you think you know a great deal about. But the children would soon find that they did not know too much, about who their parents really were.


	2. uknown uncle

**Chapter 2**

**The unknown uncle **

" **Good day Eliophonts. I'm Mr.Fener and I am mourning your parents death as much as you are," the man said smiling sweetly. "In your parents will they said that you must go in the care of your Uncle John James. He lives on wavering way. That's just down town." Fiona was stunned at the sound of wavering way for only people almost as wealthy as they were could afford those homes. Fiona knew a great deal about homes for she wanted to be an architect and took an extensive amount of time researching about everything that dealt with them. Whenever she was thinking of houses she always closed her eyes so that nothing could distract her. Fiona looked over to Samuel. Samuel was extremely talented at finding something's weaknesses and remembered that he once went to wavering way and sat under a tree. When he left he noticed the tree's weakness and hit an area near the roots. The entire tree had fallen but luckily no one saw him knock it so he didn't get in trouble. The thoughts of going back made shivers go down his back. No one looked at little April. April was good at hiding and could already speak to the extent that most educated people could understand. " Amazing I know," Mr.Fener said with a slight look of happiness drawn across his face.**

" **When is our parents funeral?" Fiona asked.**

" **Children should not concern themselves with such troubles. Just to make you feel better I'll have you know that your parents asked to be cremated and to not have any form of funeral for 'religious purposes," Mr. Fener said not able to cover his enormous grin. The last thing he said was quit curios for their parents did not have any religion. However troublesome these matters were, they soon past them out of mind, even though their eyes were filled with tears, and replaced the though with the curiosity of finding out what there new guardian would be like.**

**It is time for me to interrupt this story to tell you another story. It is called The New Guardian. It's a story about three children whose parents died. They go and live with someone who is really rich and live happily ever after for the rest of there lives. If this is what you wish to hear happen to the Eliophont orphans than I give you the chance to shut this book immediately and instead dream about that happening instead. In fact I would encourage such behavior especially if you are the type of unintelligible people who waste their precious time reading the end of a book first rather than reading the beginning. If you do you already know the unimaginably atrocious things that the orphans had to bear. If you are one of the more sophisticated beings I suggest you don't find out the ending. I encourage whoever has a twisted enough mind to read this book to shut it this instant. But if you do have the courage to continue reading than I might as well continue writing.**

**As the children entered Mr.Fener's automobile, they took one last look at their home and tried to imagine there new one. " What do you know about the homes at Wavering Way?" Samuel asked Fiona.**

**Fiona pulled out a series of blue prints from her suitcase filled with belongings. " This home has the initials J.J so I think this is our uncles house. It has three rooms on the third floor not including a small closet. On the second floor there is seven rooms. Three of them are used as guestrooms, one of them is an office, two of them are art galleries, and the last one is a gameroom. The three guestrooms have bathrooms as does the gamerooms, but the other three do not. On the-" Fiona stopped. Samuel followed her gaze and he too was taken aback. " Wow" April whispered. The three children just gaped at the mansion before them. It was almost as big as the Eliophont homestead. The home was in the old Victorian style. Only one window could be seen on the third story of the home. As the children compared their new home the old one, they couldn't help but think that this one possessed special quality that there other one lacked. The children though had only recently had the death of a loved one, still believed that things weren't going to bad. Smiling weakly at each other they stepped out of the car." I must leave you here for I have an urgent meeting I must attend," Mr.Fener said as he stepped away from the children. The children turned and looked at the door. Inscribed on the door was a poem. As the children began to read they heard the car driving off. The poem showed:**

**For all who seek to find,**

**Where the shadows might stay**

**My answer is simple,**

**Inside the darkest day.**

**If you feel you are ready,**

**To embrace your destiny,**

**Then why are you here?**

**Knock on the door and see.**

**See the answers that you seek,**

**Are right behind this door,**

**But my answers my not be,**

**The ones you're looking for.**

**But there is one thing,**

**That I will never lie,**

**It is that soon you'll find,**

**That someone you love is about to die.**

_**Who seeks shall find that your fate I bind.**_

_**They spread like fire**_

**The children continued to gaze at the words etched into the mahogany even long after they had finished reading it. April could not read yet so she crawled her way to the door and with all her might knocked on the door. When the door didn't open they tried the knob. The door amazingly was open. The three children looked at each other. Nodding silently to each other, they opened the door. They stepped inside. After a moment of hesitation, the children looked around. They let out there air only now realizing that they had been holding there breathe. As Fiona took another step forward, she heard a crinkling noise around her feet. She looked down and examined a sheet of paper. On it were the words:**

_**Go up the stairs and you shall find,**_

_**Where in my domain I am.**_

_**But remember when you do find me,**_

_**That I am a sea lion and you three the clams.**_

_**Do not speak,**_

_**Until I say.**_

_**Talk until talked to,**_

_**Is always my way.**_

_**I'm a very busy man,**_

_**And I don't have much time.**_

_**And in case you didn't realize,**_

_**I love a good rhyme.**_

_**Don't touch anything,**_

_**Don't eat any food.**_

_**Just come up the stairs,**_

_**I'll whip you if you're rude.**_

_**They spread like fire**_

**The three children stood and looked at each other. Sighing the children walked to the stairs.**

**Although this story seems like a fairly pleasant story it soon may change to the most horrid of stories ever written down. In fact, as I write, I wonder to myself why I am. The book you are reading has a terrifying experience just around the corner.**

**The expression just around the corner is an odd yet fascinating. It is odd because things rarely are just around the corner. Before I get to caught up with myself I will return to my story.**

**Now back to the story of this story, but before I get caught up in this story I will continue with the other story.**

**Now that we are all on the same story, I'll start writing the story where I left off. Now were was I on this story?**

**The children could here voices coming from the top hallway. The children ran up the stairs, their shoes resounding and echoing across the large entryway. "Shh" a voice said as they reached the top of the stairway. The Eliophonts looked around and eventually saw a tall man huddling in the corner. The man looked back at the faces of the children.**

" **The master does not like loud noises," said the man smiling slyly. The man was wearing a black suit. His hands were abnormally large. The children also noticed a scar running down the wrist of his right hand. "The master is a very important man. He had to take a long time just to think of whether or not he had time to raise you. He promised that he would try to make time to be with you. Consider yourselves very lucky. The only reason he's interested in you though is because he could be even richer after he gets your hands on your fortune." After the short speech, Samuel had already found a point of weakness in the man. He triggered the emotion locked up inside the man in four words. "Tell me about yourself. The man scrunched up his face and began crying. "I am a rich man but master is cruel. He beats me so." "Where do you live?" Fiona inquired. The man pointed out a window to a house across the street. The children were not surprised when they saw another large house. The reason the children were surprised, was how dark and sinister the house looked. It seemed to be the reason for night itself. The wood on the home was completely black. The man looked at the home in dismay. "If you can afford that home, then why are you working for Uncle James? " Samuel asked." That is not my house. That used to be your parents"**


End file.
